Fuck You

I caught a strain of dorm sickness over October break. It wasn't the flu, which was good, but it was one of those annoying coughing colds that have multiple stages of illness. First, your nose starts to run, which in most cases is manageable. In my case, however, my left eye also starts to water at inopportune moments.

One awkward instance took place last week in my Intro to French Literature 215 class. Basically all we do in this class is - big surprise - read French literature, which mainly involve love triangles and the death of either one or both of the lovers at the end. We were discussing one of the said deaths when suddenly, my left eye began to water. It would have been okay if my bangs didn't do such a superb job of covering up my right eye, thus making me look as if I was moved to tears at the death of two highly idealized and annoying characters.

The next stage of the cold is the nonstop coughing, which is pretty intense for a few days and then tapers off over a week or so. One night I was sitting in the common room with Muffin, a really adorable and super-Asian Korean girl who lives in this big-ass, corking great apartment triple when I started to hack away.

When I finished, Muffin said, "Bless you. Wait, that's just for sneezes. I don't think people say that when you cough. Do they?"

Being too busy groping for the tissues, I did not answer in the conventional way. Instead, I believe I said something along the lines of "Hurrrrrridunnlllouhuhewoeurog?" I tend to forget consonants when I'm sick. It must have been the virus affecting my brain, except colds are bacterial infections.

Muffin continued her train of thought. "No, I don't think you do. What would you say to a cough? Fuck you?"

I thought that was hilarious and laughed uproariously. Except in my coughing, inflamed-throat state, it only translated to more coughing, hacking, terrible lung-regurgitating noises, and intermittent howls of mirth. It was bad enough that I thought I would be mute by sundown the next day. Interestingly enough, by then most of it had already gone away.

But the original question was never answered, so I'll ask you now: what do you say to someone after a cough?